diamond geezer

 Wednesday, February 15, 2017

For four weeks last Autumn, a TfL trial tracked the movements of millions of WiFi users at 54 tube stations. All the data was anonymised, and no browsing activity was recorded, but a mammoth amount of information was gathered about how passengers travel on the Underground. You can read James's in-depth analysis of the outcomes of their study here, thanks to an FoI request, whether you're standing on a underground platform or not.

But what might be the eventual outcome of having your location monitored while you're travelling on the tube. Might a future journey go something like this?
» Beep beep! Welcome to Bow Road station Mr Geezer, we're pleased to see you back.

» Beep beep! Have you considered going back outside and buying a coffee from Bean Around Town?

» Beep beep! Don't forget to pick up a copy of Metro from behind the door. You'll never guess what Beyoncé did last night!

» Beep beep! There is a good service operating on all London Underground lines, so come on through!

» Beep beep! Sheesh, are you still using Oyster? Contactless is fab, you should try it.

» Beep beep! Turn left at the top of the stairs. We know you know this, but we're just showing off.

» Beep beep! Perhaps you should be watching your step on the stairs rather than reading this.

» Beep beep! The next train's about two minutes away. Sorry, we're not clever enough to be able to display this information on the platform yet.

» Beep beep! There's a really interesting advert further up the platform we think you should go and see. It's about 12 steps to your left.

» Beep beep! Please stand back from the yellow line while waiting on the platform.


» Beep beep! PLEASE STAND... oh, hang on, you're actually on the train now, aren't you?

» Beep beep! The next station is Mile End. Doors will open on the left hand side. Step-free access is not available at this station.

» Beep beep! Hey, we've arrived at Mile End. Assuming you're making your usual journey, you'll want to change here.

» Beep beep! Thank you for travelling on the District line.

» Beep beep! The next train to Ealing Broadway will arrive in two minutes.

» Beep beep! Two minutes is enough time to watch this hilarious video from our friends at LockedRoomChallenge.com buff.ly/t80a5u2

» Beep beep! If you nudge three steps to your right, you'll be standing almost in front of the doors when the train arrives.

» Beep beep! You could make this journey by Uber in 45 minutes for just £11.50 (sponsor)

» Beep beep! There are seats in the rear carriage, but not the cattletruck hellhole whose doors you're about to be standing in front of.

» Beep beep! The train in front of you is for Ealing Broadway. The train behind this one has a lot more space.

» Beep beep! Please move further down inside the carriage. And could you nudge the lady with the enormous rucksack too, thanks?

» Beep beep! Mmmm, maybe consider a Deliveroo takeaway from the Ashanti Bengal in Bethnal Green this evening buff.ly/yw9i4oh

» Beep beep! Why not sign up to our premium service, so you can keep track of where your significant other really goes every morning?

» Beep beep! You are now entering Zone 1. So far this journey has cost you £2.40.

» Beep beep! That woman sitting opposite has been within 10 metres of you on every journey this week. Assuming she's not a relative, how about flirting with her?

» Beep beep! We've just opened a Costa at the foot of the escalators at Liverpool Street. The chocolate brownies are to die for.

» Beep beep! Did you know you're only 10 stops away from London's first cable car, in the opposite direction?

» Beep beep! To turn off notifications, locate the hidden menu on your Oyster app and try to remember your 16-digit passcode. Good luck!

» Beep beep! If you do turn off notifications, expect to be charged 10p more for your journey.

» Beep beep! Alternatively you can opt out by simply turning off your WiFi, but how boring would that be?

» Beep beep! 11 things you didn't know about St Paul's Cathedral buff.ly/2kXSjx2

» Beep beep! Sorry, we lost your wi-fi connection there, just when you were in the process of re-logging back in to check Twitter again.

» Beep beep! You are being held at a red signal and you should be moving shortly.

» Beep beep! That lady standing next to you is pregnant. For heaven's sake offer her your seat.

» Beep beep! You are being held at a red signal and you should be moving shortly.

» Beep beep! Five minutes late? Congratulations! You are now eligible for a 25% refund via our Delay Repay Pledge.

» Beep beep! It looks like you're heading to Oxford Circus. While you're there, don't forget the gorgeous waffle cones at Ponti's Italian cafe buff.ly/c6r42zj

» Beep beep! 17% of people making your journey actually went via Embankment instead. Maybe give that a try next time.

» Beep beep! The next station is Oxford Circus. Doors will open on the left hand side. Step-free access will never be available at this station.

» Beep beep! Thank you for travelling on the Central line.

» Beep beep! Ok, turn left, walk to the end of the platform, take the left fork along the subway and then the escalators are on your right.

» Beep beep! Alternatively, it's really busy up there at the moment, so maybe hold back and look at the adverts on the platform.

» Beep beep! OK, the congestion's cleared, if you want to make a break for it.

» Beep beep! Keep walking to the left of the passageway and you can probably carry on reading that Facebook post without bumping into anyone.

» Beep beep! Could you hurry up a bit please, there are hundreds of people trudging behind you.

» Beep beep! Now look up from your phone, the flashing adverts alongside the escalator are really interesting.

» Beep beep! STAND ON THE RIGHT OR WALK ON THE LEFT! Not what you're doing...

» Beep beep! Take exit 8 for Hamleys, exit 7 for Urban Outfitters or exit 5 for the great Niketown sale.

» Beep beep! Thank you Mr Geezer. We look forward to intruding on your privacy again on the way home.

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